Dating Woes (Pt I)

The 3 stages when it comes to dating (some) Indian guys (pertinent only if you’re in college…because otherwise, it's just sad)

Stage 1: “Just Friends”

Basically, the guy has been secretly in love with the girl since day 1 but was too much of a wimp to do anything (other than ‘friend’ her on Facebook – and has been insistently stalking her since). He tries to ask her out for coffee but ‘just as friends’, of course!

And now they are constantly texting (or should I now say, BBM-ing) each other; he takes her out on shopping sprees… they go for movies, swap stories about exes from hell – you know, the whole enchilada.

Stage 2: “Drunk Dialling”

So now the guy realises he’s slipping further into the ‘Friend Zone’. Quick! It’s time to make a move! But of course, he can’t just ask her out normally… it’s too late for all that now. So he calls her up at 2am pretending to be drunk… girls, guys, you know how the rest goes…

Guy: Gosh, I’m so drunk right now.

Girl: Dude, it’s 2am. WTF you up to?

Guy: Wheeeeeeeeeee…. I love you!

Girl: You what…???

Guy: Oh Man, I’m SO drunk right now!

Girl: You what…?? 

Guy: I don't know what I'm saying. But I love you.

Girl: Call me back when you’re sober.

Guy spends rest of the night kicking himself over and over.

Stage 3: “The Aftermath”

Now, this is where things get really tricky for the guy. He has no idea what’s gonna happen next. Here are some of the possible consequences:

1. Girl never speaks to guy again. Suddenly realises he’s a freak. Deletes him from her friends’ list on Facebook.

2. Asks the guy to never-ever mention the incident again and permanently assigns him to the ‘friend zone’.

3. Admits that she likes him back and they go on to date for about a month when the guy/girl realises he/she can do much better and ends the relationship.

(Disclaimer: All incidents mentioned in this blog post have been written keeping in mind 'certain' individuals. If you're one of them, kindly f*ck off and let others enjoy the post.)

Cheers!